Lesson Outline Handout

***The following was given to Relief Society Sisters to follow along during the lesson and take notes***

What should I gain from this lesson?

1. Help women gain a new understanding of pornography and pornography addiction.
2. Give a clear message that women who face pornography addiction, whether it be their own addiction, or the addiction of a spouse, child, or other loved one, are not alone and that help and support is readily available.
3. Give women tools that will help them feel empowered to address this issue in their homes.
4. Walk away with an increased hope in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and its power to perform miracles in our lives.

Pornography Statistics

• According to the most recent studies (2005 and 2009) somewhere between 60-70% of men under age 30 and 15-30% of women under age 30 intentionally view pornography at least once every week. More than 70% of men under age 34 intentionally view pornography at least once a month.
• Current trends show that number to be rising.
• LDS Therapists consistently agree that those statistics are the same for active LDS Church members. “We suspect that the LDS community is not any different from the rest of society when it comes to prevalence or magnitude of sexual addictions.” Todd Olson, director of LifeSTAR
• The rate of exposure for both males and females by the time they reach adulthood is 97-100%

A Lesson from the Book of Mormon

Helaman 1: 18 And it came to pass that because of so much contention and so much difficulty in the government, that they had not kept sufficient guards in the land of Zarahemla; for they had supposed that the Lamanites durst not come into the heart of their lands to attack that great city Zarahemla.

Our Standards: For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet

Entertainment and Media:

Satan uses media to deceive you by making what is wrong and evil look normal, humorous, or exciting. He tries to mislead you into thinking that breaking God’s commandments is acceptable and has no negative consequences for you or others. Do not attend, view, or participate in anything that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in anything that presents immorality or violence as acceptable. Have the courage to walk out of a movie, change your music, or turn off a computer, television, or mobile device if what you see or hear drives away the Spirit.

Pornography in all forms is especially dangerous and addictive. What may begin as an unexpected exposure or a curious exploration can become a destructive habit. Use of pornography is a serious sin and can lead to other sexual transgression. Avoid pornography at all costs. It is a poison that weakens your self-control, destroys your feelings of self-worth, and changes the way you see others. It causes you to lose the guidance of the Spirit and can damage your ability to have a normal relationship with others, especially your future spouse. It limits your ability to feel true love. If you encounter pornography, turn away from it immediately.

Sexual Purity:

Do not participate in discussions or any media that arouse sexual feelings. Do not participate in any type of pornography.

Internet Filters

• Most pornography is accessed through the internet. The secondary sources are other media like television, movies, magazines, and books.
• No filter is 100%.
• Internet filters can easily be bypassed by anyone, even if they are not tech savvy. Instructions to bypass any level of filtering is easily available online.
• Filters are a great first-line defense.
• Every internet capable device should have filtering, including cell phones and other mobile devices.
• If you need help setting up filters, contact your home teacher or visiting teacher. If they don’t know how to help you they can report those needs to those who can.

Talking About Pornography

• At what age should be talk to our children about pornography?
• The February 2014 issue of The Friend has information on how to talk with children about pornography. Page 46.
• What message are we sending by the way we talk about pornography?
• What should I do if I find out about a loved one’s pornography addiction?

Understanding Pornography

• The progression of pornography addiction:

(curiosity) > exposure > (curiosity) > compulsion > habit > addiction > increasingly risky behavior

Behavioral Changes in Pornography Users

Physical Behaviors

• Does your loved one spend time on the computer after everyone else is in bed?
• Is your loved one spending more and more time on the computer?
• Does your loved one quickly change the computer screen or turn off the computer when you walk by or enter the room?
• Does your loved one have a lot of unaccounted-for time?
• Is your loved one working long hours at the office over prolonged periods of time?
• Does your loved one seem tired or worn out?
• When your loved one is confronted about being tired or worn out, what is the reason given?

Emotional Behaviors

• Is your loved one more withdrawn?
• Does your loved one seem emotionally disconnected?
• Does your loved one spend less time with the family?
• Is your loved one more irritable and “on the edge”?
• Does your loved one become angry over little things?
• Does your loved one blame others for what is going wrong?

It's important to keep in mind that some of these emotional behaviors may be just a normal stage of life, particularly with adolescents.

Financial Behaviors

• Are there charges on your credit card from companies you are not familiar with?
• Are there long-distance phone charges to unknown numbers?
• Are there unaccounted-for expenditures?

Spiritual Behaviors

• Does your loved one seem less interested in spiritual things?
• Does your loved one make negative remarks about people in the Church or Church leaders?
• Is your loved one attending church, reading the scriptures, and having personal prayers?
• Does your loved one have a current temple recommend? Is your loved one attending the temple?

Sometimes there are no signs at all!

Other Resources Available

• No one should feel alone. There are resources available and people you can trust and talk to.
• Someone else’s pornography addiction is never your fault.
• Why do wives, mothers, and other loved ones of pornography addicts need therapy or a 12 step support group?

The Atonement of Jesus Christ

• You cannot force anyone to repent. Just like the Savior you can only invite others to repentance.

D&C 19:16-19 "For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must  suffer even as I;  Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might  not drink the bitter cup, and shrink Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men."



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